guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
