i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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