Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
