somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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