I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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