I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I love you. Go after that dick
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