you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
