so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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