If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
