remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
