Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
