I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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