you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
