Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
