ugly people sure do ruin things
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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