just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
