Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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