If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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