where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she peed on how many people?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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