This is not my ceiling
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
