every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think your dad took our porno
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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