dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
