I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize