i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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