Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
