she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
