I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
