youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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