you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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