Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
