Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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