o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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