Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
