I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
