you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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