Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
