new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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