loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
