Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
