id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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