you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
