One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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