i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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