does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
should my penis look like a turkey
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize