Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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