what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
