you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
