Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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