do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
