That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
