You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
