That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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