She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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