that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
