She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
