He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
