found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
