No awkward lesbian experiences without me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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