but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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