you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
