My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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