I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
