4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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