This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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