I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
