Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
